When I was pregnant with Emma I was worried how I was going to share the love I had for Holly with another child. Of course this was silly, and I’d often tell myself that too, but I just couldn’t grasp the thought of ever loving anyone as much as I loved Holly. The second Emma was born that fear was gone, like everyone told me it would. I realised I didn’t have to share my love for Holly with my new baby because my love grew and I did indeed, love her as much as I loved our eldest. Sorry, I know it’s corny but that’s how it was and I’m sure many of you understand where I’m coming from, right?
Recently, in the last few weeks, I have come to realise, that something that didn’t grow when I had Emma was my patience. With Holly, I had so much patience and time to spend with her raising, teaching, nurturing and playing with her. We were never rushing or stressing to get anywhere. I only worked 6 hours a week at this point and John was working nights so home during the day. I had plenty of time on my hands. Then when Emma was born I suddenly found I needed extra hands and I was torn on who needed my attention first. I found I was spending very little time doing things with Emma, teaching her the things I taught Holly. Not because I didn’t want too but because I had Holly to focus on too. Then with Holly starting school and an increase in my working hours meant we needed to be somewhere by a certain time, John started working away from home Monday to Friday and all patience went out the window. After reading tips on other blogs about ‘how to be patient’ I don’t think it was a planning fail as I plan everything!!!! (I drive myself nuts sometimes) I really think it’s about being a second child and having too much on my plate. I didn’t have time to let Emma get herself dressed in the morning leading to her still not being able to do the small buttons on her school blouses. I didn’t have time for Emma to take her time putting her shoes on herself in the mornings, working out which was the right foot. This resulted in Emma putting her shoes on the wrong feet for years afterwards up until a few months ago. I could go on, there are lots of goings that Emma should be able to do for herself but can’t/won’t. I believe, by not having the patience to allow her to do things for herself, she now can’t do certain tasks Holly had mastered by her age. I know I shouldn’t compare and every child is different but I really can’t help but worry.
I have also noticed she lacks confidence in her own abilities and gives up easily which then results in her wanting me to do it. Emma, herself, has mimicked my short patience span and has a terrible intolerance to waiting for things. So, I need to lead by example and teach her.
Feeling massively guiltily and like I’ve failed her in someway, especially as it’s taken me this long to understand, I have vowed to be more patient and encourage Emma to start to do things for herself, grow her self-esteem so she can be a strong believer in herself; she’ll need this to go on and achieve great things.
Starting today. Holly had gone out, laden with her super soaker water pistol, to a friends Water Fight birthday party, so this was the perfect time for Emma and I to do something together, I let her choose. She chose arts and crafts and she decided she wanted to make collage pictures out of sticking down foam shapes. I encouraged her to make the decisions and we talked about the best way to do it, and I let her tell me what to do to help her. I realised I have never really sat down and done anything like this with Emma. I just usually set them up with things like arts and crafts to do then go off and get on with some mundane housework chore. I’d much rather prefer doing this with Emma. Wouldn’t we all? Why haven’t I done it? If I do art and craft things, it’s usually grown up crafts, on my own, and I’m a bit of a perfectionist. Emma and I finished our master piece and then she went off to play while I tidied up. That’s our Emma, short attention span and won’t sit still for long, but the main thing was she was happy and enjoyed our time together.
Now I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, and I won’t be holding back the erge to do things for her as it’ll be quicker, or fighting back the words ‘hurry up’ through gritted teeth, that are on the tip of my tongue but I am going to try my hardest, smile, count to 10 and show her I believe in her.
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